By Victoria Tolchard – Executive Function Coach, Art Therapist, and Parent

When I first began navigating the world of ADHD as a parent, I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and constantly questioning myself. I wondered why it felt like I wasn’t quite getting it right, comparing my daughter to all the other NCT babies and wondering why everything seemed harder. Even back then, the sleepless nights and emotional highs and lows felt different.

As she got older, I would search online for ADHD symptoms, but the information felt like a tick-box exercise. She didn’t seem to fit the description neatly enough, so I did what most parents do. I loved her, I connected with her, and I parented the best way I knew how.

I checked in with school regularly to make sure nothing was being missed. All through primary school she managed well. It was when the hormones hit and the workload of secondary school increased that I got the call. They thought she was struggling more than she should be.

She was diagnosed with ADHD. A formal letter arrived in my inbox and I remember thinking, what now?

I didn’t need another parenting book telling me to stay calm, or another appointment where I left with more questions than answers. What I needed was support. Real support. The kind that helps you feel seen, understood, and capable of helping your child without losing yourself in the process.

I paid for therapy and coaching for her, but deep down I knew I also needed to understand it better for myself. I wanted to know how to support her as her parent. I listened to podcasts, read articles, scrolled through social media, all of which helped a little, but none of it gave me what I truly needed.

So I trained as an ADHD coach.

The sense of relief was huge.

After years of lived experience, professional training, and supporting other families who arrive feeling just as frustrated, I can say this with confidence:

If you want to help a child with ADHD thrive, the first step is to support their parents.

Here’s why.

🌱 Regulated Parents Raise Regulated Children

I used to wonder why even the simplest mornings could spiral into chaos. A lost shoe, forgotten homework, or spilled milk, and suddenly everyone was in tears, including me.

It took me a long time to realise that my child couldn’t regulate her emotions if I wasn’t regulating mine. And truthfully, I wasn’t. I was running on empty, reacting instead of responding, stuck in a cycle of survival, because it wasn’t just one morning, it was every morning.

When I learned how to manage my own nervous system, everything began to change. My child still had big feelings, but I could meet them with calm instead of panic. We could move through the hard moments together.

 

🧠 Understanding ADHD Changed Everything

Once I truly understood what ADHD was and what it wasn’t, I stopped seeing my child’s behaviour as defiance or laziness. I began to recognise it as a brain that works differently, not wrongly.

Before that, I’d had so many moments of frustration. Why can’t she just focus? Why do I have to repeat myself so many times? Learning about executive dysfunction, time blindness, and rejection sensitivity gave me language for what we were both experiencing.

And with that language came compassion. Not just for my child, but for myself.

 

💬 Parents Are the Most Consistent Support System

As parents, we’re the ones who are there every day. We see the meltdowns, the missed cues, the creativity, and the moments of self-doubt.

Teachers and therapists play vital roles, but it’s us, the parents, who create the emotional environment our children grow up in. And we need the tools and understanding to do that well.

When I became trained as an ADHD coach, I realised how powerful it is when parents feel educated, empowered, and connected. We can help our children through transitions, advocate for them at school, and model emotional regulation and resilience.

But we can’t do any of that if we’re quietly burning out in the background.

 

💔 I Know What Burnout Feels Like

I found out the hard way. And it was frightening.

Burnout doesn’t happen because we’re not strong enough. It happens because we’re not supported enough.

That’s why I created the Connected Parenting workshop. Not just to teach, but to connect. To give parents the understanding and community I so desperately needed myself.

 

💡 Healing the Parent Heals the Family

Something beautiful happens when a parent begins to heal. When they feel seen, understood, and equipped.

They show up differently. They respond with more patience. They set boundaries with love. They begin to release the guilt and shame and start to embrace their child’s unique wiring, and their own.

When we support the parent, the ripple effect touches everyone. The home feels calmer. The child feels safer. The whole family begins to thrive.

 

If you’re a parent navigating ADHD right now, please know this.
You are not failing. You’re carrying more than most people will ever realise.
And you deserve support just as much as your child does.

 

If this resonates with you and you’d like to understand your child on a deeper level while finding practical ways to support yourself too, I’d love for you to join me.

This one-day workshop is a safe, supportive space for parents who want to feel calmer, more confident, and more connected at home.

📍 Held in the beautiful Suffolk countryside
🔗 victoriatolchardarttherapy.com/workshop